It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The struggles of a small town man whore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
