I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
