Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
