Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
