bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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