he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
