i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
