So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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