In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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