Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he thought i was a dude.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
