Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
