Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
