what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize