I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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