Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Are we still banned from the library?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
