There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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