she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
