The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
