Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
