I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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