I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
