She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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