flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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