Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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