so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
