handjob tips. give me some.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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