so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
