watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
