You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
