Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I did not marry a roomba.
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