Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
