friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
