if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
