We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
