i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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