I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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