Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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