I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
