john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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