U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i permit you to call me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
