So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
