Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
