i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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