Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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