Pants 0. Shit 1.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
