his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
