Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
