I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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