It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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