Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
