i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
