so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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