you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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