Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
