Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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