the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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