I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
