he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
