Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
