I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
