Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
