Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
