His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
