All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
